


every time I hear that song

by hirelan57



Category: The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Death, Gen, Sad Ending, Suicide, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-17 00:30:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10582671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hirelan57/pseuds/hirelan57
Summary: Adam has a playlist of songs that remind him of he and Blake's relationship. On the eve of his death, Adam tells him about it. (SAD & I'm SORRY)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I know that the timeline for when these songs were written in real life vs. when they are in the story don't match up, but just ignore that. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy! I am seriously in a shevine high right now, I seriously cannot stop writing about them.   
> I've got a ton of unfinished pieces in the works, so stay tuned! If I keep writing like I have been the last few days, it won't be long before they make an appearance.

His hands were trembling in the dark of the night. His curtains were drawn, his lamp off. It was just him in the dead of night, trying to find the courage for his last words. Tears soaked the sleeve of his shirt. He couldn’t fucking breathe.

He tried to imagine what it would be like to say goodbye to him.They’d known each other for over 7 years. They’d both seen ups and downs, but they’ve helped each other through them unapologetically. Even if it meant giving up people they loved. Blake knew that better than anyone. It was 2 years ago that Miranda had packed her last bag and walked through the door for the last time. Their relationship had been on the rocks for months, but it was the night where Adam needed him most, the night Blake left her alone in their bed when he got his text, that she realized where Blake’s loyalty lied. It was hard for Adam to comprehend that this was the hard time that would end it all, but it was.

Behati had left him, for good this time, and she’d taken Dusty with her. The room where they once laid their heads was barren, empty. It was like she was there one night, and gone the next. Dusty’s crib was still in her room, but her sheets were gone. As were all of her clothes and her favorite blanket that always laid across the railing. She left in the middle of the night. Adam was fast asleep. There was a note on the bedside table when he woke.

_I hope you can find peace in your soul, my love. You will always be my one, but I fear that I was never yours. -Behati._

It broke his heart. He did love her, heart and soul. He just didn’t know how to express it, but it didn’t matter now. She left before he ever had the chance to learn.

He’d been living in his own personal inferno for the last three days, waiting for her. The nights were the hardest. There was no one around to distract him. It was just him and his thoughts alone, while the rest of the city was fast asleep. Tonight was the night that he decided he could bear it no longer. He picked up his phone from the side table and dialed her number. She didn’t answer. She moved down the list and dialed his. It was a long, drawn out dial tone before the familiar voicemail greeted him once again. He didn’t pick up. He pondered long and hard after the last ring if he wanted to leave a message. He hung up.

He went to his messages and clicked on his name once more. He always felt more comfortable texting. There were no long pauses, he didn’t have to worry about the fact that he was actively listening to every word. This was his way of saying what he needed, and letting it go.

_“Hey Blake, I know you’re probably asleep by now, or maybe out partying,”_

This was harder than he thought. Knowing that Blake was either in bed, unaware of the fact that he wasn’t going to see his best friend tomorrow, or out partying, Adam being the furthest thing from his mind, terrified him. How could he do this to him? He felt like a monster, the kind that he’d tried to suppress for years.

_“I hope you know how much I love you,”_

He imagined Blake’s heartbreak as he read every line. It was unbearable.

_“You were the best thing that ever happened to me, really. You were there through everything. I didn’t deserve a friend like you. I’m sorry that it had to end like this. I’m sorry that I had to leave you. I’m sorry. “_

His head was fucking pounding, probably from all the tears he was trying to hold in. He didn’t know why he was trying so hard. It wasn’t like anyone was watching. But still, he continued to hide his pain, like always. He supposed it was just something he was used to doing. Whether it was plastering a fake smile on for his friends, or masking the tears when he listened to a song that just touched a little too deep, Adam knew all the tricks to making no one question why he always looked tired, or sick, or like he didn’t want to be there.

_“I just wanted to give you one last thing before I go.”_

He imagined Blake’s frantic phone call to everyone they know: Gwen, Pharrell, Christina, Alicia, Usher, Shakira. He imagined Blake not even trying to hold back his tears, letting them all flow as he tried to convey what had happened. He could hear Gwen telling him to slow down because she couldn’t understand him. Either that, or she didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. Pharrell would try to calm him down, all the while putting his own feelings on the backburner. He was always good at that. Alicia was too. Christina would join into the manic chaos because no matter how rough their first meeting was, Adam held a special place in her heart. He defended her, he helped her through everything. He was her big brother. She loved him. Shak and Usher didn’t know him long, but they both had the fondest memories of him. The way he made the long hours on set manageable, the way he made them laugh. They were best friends, every single one of them.

But Blake would miss him the most. Blake would be the one to write songs about him, but never record them. He would just keep them locked in a journal for no one else’s eyes but his. Blake would be the one to wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. Blake would be the one to call his number just so it could go to voicemail because he just needed to hear his voice again. Blake would be the one to drink until he forgot about him for a little while because he needed just a minute of peace and quiet. Blake would be the one to never delete their text messages, even if everyone else had because Adam was a part of him, and those memories they shared would be times that Blake would never forget.Blake would be the one to never forget his smile, his laugh, his face. Blake would always be the one who would miss Adam the most.

_“There was one day a couple years ago when you said you would make a playlist about us one day. I know you were joking, but I did it anyway. I have it burned on a CD here. Maybe one day when you can come in this house again you can get it, but until then, I wanted to tell you about it.”_

Adam listened to the playlist whenever he got the chance. They described perfectly all the feelings he had. He’d always wanted to share it with Blake, but the time was never right. He hated that this time was.

_“The first song I ever added was “Lonely Tonight.” I don’t know what it was, but every time I heard it, I felt like you’d written it about us. Maybe I’m wrong, but it will always feel like that to me. Then I added “Every Time I Hear That Song” because I can still remember the first time you sent it to me. I told you that the beat sounded like something I would do, and you told me that I had inspired that song. I’ve listened to it every day since. I added “New York” not too long after that. I yelled at you and told you some pretty awful things after you had chose to go to New York with Gwen and Pharrell instead of staying in LA with me. I was angry and sad, and I debated every day that you were gone whether I should send this song to you, but I didn’t. Then you came back, and I added “Lost Stars” because that was the first song you heard off of the new album, and you said you loved it. You made it my ringtone when I called. Then you told me about your divorce, and I wrote “Story” for you. You cried when I played it for you the first time. We were sitting on my front porch, and I had my guitar. You listened intently to every word. You thanked me, and we went inside and ate Apple Jacks and watched lifetime movies all day. It was the best day I ever had with you. Then I added “A Song For Christina.” I can still remember getting the news that she had been killed. You stayed over that night, said something about how you didn’t want me to be alone. We stayed up that night and listened to songs that had been written for her. We cried the most when we heard this one. I can still remember your arms holding me tight. I added “Your Guardian Angel” because it was a song that I felt described my feelings for your perfectly. I don’t think you’ve ever heard it, but I’m sure that’s about to change. Just promise me that you’ll think of me every time you play it. There are more songs on the CD, but I can’t remember them right now. You’ll have to come listen to it for yourself.”_

Send.

It was over.

He shed a tear, and not a single one more.

________________

It had been a month since Adam’s death, and it still wasn’t any easier. Adam was right. Blake still woke up in the middle of the night. He still cried. He still ached for him constantly. But he did get the CD, and he did listen to “Your Guardian Angel,” and just as Adam had requested, he thought of him every single fucking time. He looked up to the sky and smiled. He was there, he was listening, always, and that was the only thing that allowed him to get a bit of sleep.

'When I see your smile

Tears run down my face

I can't replace

Now that I'm strong I have figured out

How this world turns cold And it breaks through my soul and I know

I'll find deep inside me

I can be the one

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven'


End file.
